Internet Diary 24#

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I feel the need to talk about my identity 

On February 28th in the morning I was on TikTok still eating my breakfast. 

On my phone some fanart of Dirk Strider came up on my fyp. 

And I don’t really know how to describe it but all I can say is that I felt wrong when I looked back at my body when I looked away from my phone.

Something in the back of my brain kept telling me that I was him, you know what I mean?

It kept telling me that I was that fanart, that version of Dirk in the fanart.

Lucky that feeling and thought process went away when I finally got to school but before I headed to my first period it really did bother me.

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The last time I felt this it was with a shirt I cut up to show some of my shoulder. 

I did originally think that it would be something that Roxy would wear but when I did cover it up and wore it.

I felt the same nagging feeling that I wasn’t myself and I was just looking from afar and I was actually Roxy.

When I saw myself in the mirror it hurt. 

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My last memory of something like that happing to me was with Jane.

I think I already posted about it before in a old Internet Diary. 

But I’ll tell you again incase I didn’t tell anyone in a previous Internet Diary.

I was baking muffins and as I was stirring I couldn’t keep her name outta the back of my mind. 

My body felt wrong and once again it felt as if something was controlling me and I was looking back and thinking. 

That feeling continued up until like the next day where I felt like I finally had control of my own body.

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If I have anyone things like this happen to me then I will post about it. 

It would be extremely nice for me to talk to someone who experience this like me. 

Maybe it will stop my brain from feeling this way.

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