my university life

February 28, 2025

Ever since I started university, everything has been really shitty around there. I'm not the best at making friends, or talking really. Never really knew how to start a conversation and don't even have enough confidence to try. It's why I hate times like these you know? The start of something new, a new cycle, new place to go, new and strange people to be around with, new and harder classes. When I was in high school I had friends that I could talk to and be around in a safe space, that school was my second home, a place I knew how it worked and knew my exact place. Now my friends are at other universites, doing different majors and probably feeling the same as me right now.

It's just so overwhelming to go to that same classroom everyday and stay completely silent while the other people around me are enjoying each others company, being friends and all. I just wish I had something familiar in there, a friendly person to talk with or to know the place like the palm of my own hand and not get lost everytime.

Thankfully my classes are short and there's a mall nearby, so whenever I feel really down after not making a single advancement on my social life, I can go and maybe buy a book or some ice cream, even some clothes to make me feel a little better. Of course my favorite part of the day is the bus drive to go back home, it's relaxing if I luckly get a seat by the window and put the music on full volume to muff the sound of everything around me. There's nothing more therapeutic than watch the city move around you while listening to some bullshit like Fleetwood Mac or beabadoobe or whatever I'm feeling like listening at the time (Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac is a GEM, especially the live from 1997).

I don't know when I'll actually settle in (like I literally have 4 more years to know the people I'll be studying with), but I really hope It doesn't take much longer, I'm not the "focused on studies" kinda person, I'm more like "never truly focus on anything" kinda person and it's gonna ruin my academc life to stay alone to study for too long, I'm not even reading the stuff my professors assigned us to read, I'm really just trying to survive these first weeks and wondering if I should change my major next year to do something I really like and I'm good at (visual arts or something related).

Anyway, I hope this doesn't last too long and in the next month I'll be all "omg universitys kinda awesome, I just needed a healthier sleeping schedule" or something like that.

Song of the day: 5:15 by The Who