On net forces and being neutrois

(not really done cuz something happened but here's like... a rough idea i had)

While I understand not everything happens for a reason and things may never have a concrete explanation, I try my best to come up with a reason/rational thought that best encompasses an abstract idea. I would like to thank the fact that I was basically stockholmed by math and now require a meaning/label for everything.

Now I got that out of the way, I can now begin my story as to how my journey with gender and labels began. During middle school, I came out as genderfluid. I knew that my gender and self as a whole weren't able to be contained by just one gender. However, the thought of being genderfluid didn't feel... right. In a sense, it didn't feel enough but at the same time, it felt too little. My identity wasn't something I could smush with a thumb and call it a day, so I decided to use the label of agender because I thought, "if I can't pinpoint it, then maybe it doesn't exist". It also felt a little wrong but I liked how it fit with aromantic and asexual so I kept it out of simplicity. Eventually, it was just too uncomfortable to introduce myself as agender and slapped on genderqueer as a temporary fix because I saw it as an umbrella term for multiple genders that are outside the binary. I even tried xenogenders for a while. However, it was mainly because I like the idea of something that describes a gender and I love looking through a good list. Finally, I stumbled across an Instagram post that included a flag I had never seen before. Lo and behold, it was the neutrois flag. As an avid math enjoyer, the buzzword of neutral sent me down a rabbit hole and thus I came out of it with a label that I believe suits me best. BUT! Even with the right label, it was still hard to explain to others. How does neutral not equate to nothing? This is where physics comes into play, at least in my explanation.

While stressing over a physics quiz, I came across a surprising connection between forces and the concept of gender (again, this is only how I perceive gender, meaning if it doesn't make sense, it doesn't make sense... you can just take this as a nice read if this seems to roundabout and weird). I'm surprised I didn't come to this conclusion earlier but seeing as this is my first time taking physics and having been sick and not in the right state of mind since the start of the semester, it does make a little sense to how it took me a while to get here. Anyway, the question that made me have an epiphany was related to net forces and which free-body diagram was the correct way to show the problem. My friend explained the right answer to me by saying the force of gravity and the force of the elevator floor pushing up against the person canceled each other out because the velocity was 0. 

Boom. 

Forces canceling. Multiple somethings coming together in just the right way that they add up to nothing.

That's what triggered something in me. I wasn't wrong about feeling genderfluid when I was younger, I was just wrong at explaining how I experienced feeling the multiple genders. I always knew I felt like every gender but it never felt like they were actually there. Like knowing there's a forest in the Amazon but not actually being able to see it in person. There were so many things I felt/feel that they cancel each other out. While agender implies that there's absolutly nothing there, neutrois implies that there is something there without making up the full thing. I guess another way to put it is like saying agender is 0=0 and neutrois is 10-6-3-2-1=0. Again, these could just be the ramblings of a just-stopped-being sick-and-is-probably-having-a-manic-episode-that's-fueled-by-ovulation-and-the-stress-of-STEMclasses person but it lowkey makes sense right? Like... it's there but not there in the sense that it is actually there. Like a ghost but also not? It's like the memory of something. It's physical and there but... not there.