need to sleep more and reenergize

today and yesterday felt like they just swept past through my fingers

nothing too eventful, still fairly busy and stressful, but i feel like i really wasn't conscious of any of the decisions I made

this might be just because. I didn't journal yesterday. and i really havent for today YET (im doing it rn here!)

I just want to regain some more energy because I feel so miserable and I feel like the small things keep getting to me and I get annoyed at my friends

like and i turn so 180 with my outlook on life

like i usually say i want to stay in california to stick close to my friends but one of my friends did something that wasnt even that big of a deal and i was like "man maybe i need to go out there to the east coast and make some new friends like why did i feel so tied to california before" like bitch wtf

but yeah i think becasue ive been feeling more mentally fucked interactions with the usual friends I talk to have been more tiring and I've been feeling like I've been drowning in quicksand

Its the sleep. i need more sleep. my bags got visibly worse. and this is all my fault 

I also need more exercise. i need more exercise and intentful journaling and more discipline

these are easy to list but hard to gain but also its supposed to be hard to gain 

I just want to return to what i had before the korea trip. I keep thinking it was the trip that messed up my routine which i feel like is partially true but i also think. i wouldve crashed one way or the other at some point if I kept going at the pace I was going until science olympiad. 

There is just mountains and mountains of stress and I feel like im overreacting. I hate it even more bc i feel like my dad brah. liek constantly complaining ab life like bitch it couldve been worse stfu.

i think i might need to make a new playlist!!!or watch a new movie. a new book. new fixation.

but instead of trying to fill in this space with external stuff maybe I should just sit down and try to work on myself internally

need to talk to new people. which i did today!! or just a group of friends/aquaintences that I usually dont talk to. it was nice! 

tyomoroe i get out of school early so im very happy. im happy that im journaling like this right now. im so fat brah. im gonna kms.,

but i just need to begin somewhere even if its a small piece of effort. thats how i started anyway. baby steps!!! and just walking steady...like akira hikaru no go!!!!!!!!!!!!

i need to hold myself together

i cant even have fun if i feel so miserable and tired all the time

need to eat good, journal well, sleep well, poop well, drink lots of water, take my time with things, meditate, know when to cut off an interaction when its becoming too much, indulging into things a bit less, be introspective

when february ends march will be a newww start!!! hooray!! its comforting news

february was a flop. it was just hard to get back to stuff to hwo they originally were. nothing much happened but also a lot happened. im so tired and sad and i love my friends but I also hate them and I want to run away and throw myself into a lake or smth and die. 

buttttttt i will make it through bc its friyay soonnn ohhh yyeaahahhh