Classwork, Art, Rambling (26/02/25 con't)

I really, really don't like this unit. I just find it boring, honestly. Plants are cool, don't get me wrong, and i appreciate the complexity, but fuck, man, in depth studying about the process of photosynthesis and the likes is frying my brain bad. Definitely not as bad as BioChem, i'm not a super big chem fan to begin with, but it's just. so much content to learn. and it's not something pertaining towards my interests so it's hard to maintain my attention ykwim. anywho, i emailed my teacher about accommodations for my dissociative amnesia (dxed btw b4 anyone says anything), mainly just asking for things like a word box, and i was like really stressed about this bc i hate singling myself out, first of all and second i just dont like disclosing my medical history these days. i used to plaster it in my bios online bc that was just. the norm. in my circles for so long it became habitual or like a status symbol. but i feel like i've matured past that. anyway, thats not the point. she replied and was very respectful, and offered to discuss memory aids for the exam which im super appreciative of. my last bio teacher was kind of a hardass so i never asked for anything like that, was kinda expecting a firm no despite the fact that my teacher is like. super nice and understanding. im glad i asked, in the end. 

im probs gonna start posting later in the evenings so i get all my thoughts out at one instead of double-posting, i dont want to clog up my profile. im trying to find my footing here, really, and categorize what i want to share abt myself vs what's private. for so long EVERYTHING i did and thought was made public to some degree. like i said that was just the environment i grew up in as a teenager. it's kind of a difficult mindset to break out of. i think people my age and younger can probs relate. idk when i see kids oversharing about their mental illness/disorders/disabilities and such i just kinda cringe. because, like, i get it, but omg. 

I felt a lot better about my art today. i'm still kinda iffy about it but not in the same way i was yesterday. i think im finally starting to find my footing with masculine anatomy, which is what i've geared my interest towards the past couple of days. yesterday my figures felt really stiff and boxy? i don't know if that makes sense. today it was a lot looser, like im actually starting to understand the structure a biiiit better. tomorrow i might take a break and work on something else if i have the time, it's likely all my spare time will be put towards skimming my notes in preparation for the test. like a refresh. though, in the past i usually only take like 30 mins to do that. so, it really depends on if my buses are actually on time (they usually aren't LOL). my march break is a week earlier than normal school schedules which is interesting, i get why because we're on a quadmester schedule (4 terms as opposed to 2), which means coursework is really condensed with limited time to like 2 months. this quad ends like, early april. so it makes sense that break would be a bit earlier. i'm hoping and praying i have the energy and motivation to delve back into digital art again. i have a few art ideas kinda just floating around my head rn, mainly i want to make a proper icon for myself here. idk what my icon should be of, though. for the real frithheads out there im debating between kisar, lucien, and my sona. my sona is probably the obvious choice but? im just not rlly interested in drawing them?? i also have a fursona but im feeling a bit disconnected from her lately. honestly, i think it's because i've been so dissociated lately. not to pathologize or anything. being disconnected from myself resulting in disconnect from my various sonas....? idk, makes sense in my head. 

while i try to find my footing on this site my writing style may shift a lot. im not really settled on how formal/informal i want this to be? atm i just word-vomit whatever i'm thinking of. also, posting schedule will probably be whenever i feel like i have something to say? i'm probably overthinking it. idk if that'll be like, daily posts or whut. we'll see i guess!! this is mainly a space for me to give life updates to my friends in a way that feels less.... open to the public? like it's still public ofc, but less... known. it's hard to articulate the way i think of it well. also not sure how i want to end this. so, goodnight everyone.