Loss of Friends

The past two years have been full of suffering and change. With this year coming to an end it's hard not to think about the people who have come and gone in your life. Suicide will always be lingering around.. as it sneaks up on some while going in full force on others with no sign of letting up. It hurts having to see your friends end their battles what seems like one after the other. It makes me feel like I can't provide the love or security that anyone needs. While this is going on you also have the friends who are mentally and emotionally draining you. They confirm all the negative talk in your head about how you really aren't a great person when in reality it's them. I will agree that I do have my moments where I'm not the most pleasant to be around but I at least make the effort to change that to be a better person instead of constantly dragging down others with me. I finally found the strength to let her go and I feel so much better. It hurt at first but as the days went on it was like.. this confirmation of what I did was in fact the right thing to do. Every day that went past I would recall every weird comment or thing she's done to me that I've had to deal with and it made me realize I was so blinded by wanting to be accepted by someone who only needed me when it benefited them. Plus having been friends with them for over 7 years this honestly felt like a breakup. One of the worst ones and it sucks because I feel so isolated now. There's so much I want to say but I don't want to be that person who lists every single thing they've done wrong. I honestly don't think there's enough room to fit in everything even if I wanted too.