school crush

I have a little crush on someone from my class and I just see it going downhill. Not just going, crushing down and blowing up. I might exaggerate but gosh how embarrassing. I wish I could just do something about it but all of the options would make it worse.

Ok explanation: The last time I had a serious school crush was in 9th grade. I am in 11th grade now. Since then I've never really thought about any of the boys at my school but since the school trip I've got my eye on one of my classmates, I always said that I would never date a boy from my school but WHAT CAN I SAY NOW? anyways since the first day of the trip my girlfriends keep on saying how handsome and muscular this dude looks (which he is...). When we actually had conversations he was really nice for some reason. Before the trip, I didn't even notice his presence but now I definitely see it. 

At school, he's introverted and always with his own besties and barely with others. Maybe a bit with the other boys who also study computer science. But he is a loner. I don't imagine him being the life of the party or talking passionately about things. Maybe it's just because I've never seen him talking this way or he is just that kind of person, who knows. Anyway, two days after the trip ended he sent me a follow request which means something. It means he actually looked my name up to find my social media like just say you want me lolll. I'm joking but this has to mean something. Not sure yet, but I guess I will know one day.

But I feel like he knows somehow. Like if I knew someone had a crush on me I would be embarrassed to talk to him. Online or irl. One of my classmates told me it looks like from the outside that I like him, but since we drifted apart I don't believe her that much. Or is it because of the thing I said in my last blog about the other girl who posted an edited picture of the two of us and he somehow discovered it and this is why he doesn't even look at me anymore.

I want him to notice me and how pretty I look but at the same time when I am next to him I don't know how to act. Thankfully I don't talk, I remain silent but ITS STILL EMBARRASSING.

The worst of this in the whole story is that I thought he wasn't Jewish, I just discovered it on the trip. You guys know that religion is a huge deal for me. Basically on paper, he is Jewish. But doesn't do anything like keep Kippur or eat kosher. HOW CAN I KISS SOMEONE WHO IS NOT KOSHER??? I heard from someone that he wants to have a stronger faith in god but who knows if he will do so or not? From what he said himself; his biggest goal in life is to have a big and wealthy family. So I'm pretty sure he has a traditional point of view (hopefully). Because I don't think someone who doesn't think this way would say the same.

I hope everything will be okay in the end and he will get the idea that I want to know him better and actually do something with it!!! god bless