My Heart In My Stomach

Today was one of my best friend's birthday so we got dutch bros and Wendy's before I had to go to work. Work was pretty good as far as pay goes. Got paid more than I usually do. The down part was that I had to unassign an order because the restaurant employees were just fooling around and not in a hurry to do their job. I've worked in the food industry and I know that even if you work in a sit down restaurant, you have to have a sense of urgency. I got tired of it and waited for another order. I feel kinda bad because I forgot to give a customer their drink. Luckily they didn't notice or I would've been in trouble. I couldn't go the whole time because I found out my feelings for my old fling were a lot more than I thought. I found this out when he said he was taken. It makes me question if I blew my chance with just letting us be whatever or what. Like was I his first choice? What did I do to make him stray away? What if I had just asked him out with no further question? Things could've been different. I could've had him. I waited too long. The emotions were too much for me to focus. It felt like I got hit by a truck and then kicked in the gut afterwards. I talked to his mom about it and she cheered me up a bit. Just for some background, I am friends with both him and his mom. The only thing his mom doesn't know is that him and I were a thing for a bit and that I was his first. I think she'll find out eventually and be fine with it. He wasn't my first but my second. I lost my virginity to a friend just so I could get it over with. It was fine but I'm getting off the point. My heart is still in my stomach a bit but I'll be fine. I need to focus on myself anyway and I'm also moving in a matter of months to focus on my education. Maybe I'll find someone (or multiple people) later in my life. I just don't want it to be too late. I don't think I will end up alone but I just can't make up my mind and when I finally do the opportunity is not there anymore. Time flies by fast and it'll only go by faster. I gotta get up early for my friend's birthday trip so this'll be it for the night.

Until tomorrow,

Lee Wilke