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Figured it was high time I do one of these. Doubt most of you will even read this. Not entirely sure why I felt the need to do this, then again I don't have reason behind half the shit I do. For those of you who choose to listen to this little scream-into-the-void-esque rant, hey. You guys are pretty cool. Anyways, to the juicy bits.
The notion of sympathy sickens me, yet I yearn for it. The idea any other human could feel this way is foreign to me. I study and work and slave away at my own menial tasks, praying it's all for an easier. Is it? I have yet to see. This is a test. It has to be.
Otherwise, I'd have already died and moved on. What other reason can it be than divine intervention? Some god, some otherworldly being is in control of all this, or at least has some use or purpose of me. I am a pawn in its game. If I weren't, I'd have died in 2013. I'd have died in 2016. I'd have died just a year ago. Why let me live if I had no grand purpose? I've been given no reason to persevere. But why? Why go on? Why continue? Why not just give up at the slightest resistance? Why continue down this path despite everything telling me "No", despite every sign pointing in the other direction. Something or someone wants me to be here. Something put me here. In the case I'm wrong, shame. Weird nondescript, cryptic, and almost embarrassing story on a piece of hidden media, lost to the deep alcoves of the internet, with no connection to me or the life I put forward.
And if I'm right?
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Jumper
That's "luck", as we call it. Some say it's god - as a christian, for me, i believe it is. But you are absolutely right - we have no idea what the future holds. But we can still shape it, can't we?
I'd say we can. Whether the future is predetermined of not, all we can do is live and continue living.
by _P0lar1s; ; Report