23/2/25

I'm sorry I'm not perfect. Who are you apologizing too? Myself and everyone. Why? It's not your fault of what happened. 

What happened.

What did happen? 

It's fuzzy now, after years of denying it, I still see it. Fuzzy but oh so clear. I tell myself it didn't happen, it's not what I think. She was younger than me, how could she be the villian and I the victim? I look myself in the mirror. Look at me in my eyes. Fucking look at me. Do you see it? The regret, hurt, denial, anger, sadness, guilt all mixed in one? Do you see it?

I look at myself in the mirror. What mirror? The one in front of me. Why do you spend your time staring at yourself? Because in my mind, I'm trying to picture me but better. Stop denying it, remember it. It's not your fault. Isn't it though? My thoughts run ragged. Run, run, run until I don't really remember what happened.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I'm self aware and unaware. I know that what happened isn't my fault, it couldn't be. I couldn't stop her. But as the victim I still blame myself.

I will always blame myself.

-BoyScoutz