bleh (tw animal death)

I'm like so out of it today,, I went outside to feed my dogs and one of the puppies my dog, Nugget, had died and I just can't really focus on anything anymore. It was the runt of the litter and since there were about 10 it was really likely that it wouldn't make it but it still hit hard especially because I was the one who had to deal with the body. At first it didn't hit me until I went to let my mom know that one didn't make it. idk what it was i just went back outside and started to cry and I continued to cry as I gently held it and dealt with it. I haven't been able to get much of anything else done,, I've been trying to distract myself by drawing, texting my sister and friends, doomscrolling, and watching precure but I still just feel not all here. I should have held it for longer. I tried to distance myself from the litter in general because I knew that something like this would probably happen and I didn't want it to hurt as badly as it did but here we are. I hate this.