11am 11/26/21 - sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep

i suffer from pretty bad insomnia so sometimes i just literally can't sleep even if i'm very tired and would badly like to. The symptoms of this? at least for me;

 physical fatigue and exhaustion, inability to focus, intrusive thoughts about unpleasant and/or disgusting things [they will go undescribed here], compulsive reading on trivial subjects w/ little to no relevance to my life. Very Strong emotions that pendulum wildly between positive and negative and eventually get stuck in the latter position. diD i imention the intrusive thougths

thankfully my girlfriend is supportive even on days like this where i wear myself to the bone just by being alive. i cannot BELIEVE there was a time in my life when i held down a retail job, i could never do that nowadays. i don't know how anyone does

i think that most of what keeps me hanging on on my worst days is the fact that my gf is the best person on earth and also the overwhelming natura that comes from living right next to Lake Michigan (the deadliest of the great lakes, but also the prettiest)

i don't know what else to write here

i want to play card games with someone.