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dear diary,
today i:
- woke up late
- missed the bus to school
- had to wait for my mom to take me
- got yelled at by dad for not replying to emails. i was trying to do it last night but i was way too tired. why do i have to exchange emails with my own dad...
- played some guitar at school before class
- almost cried all the way till the end of my first class
- endured some mid school stuff
- discovered some late assignments i didn't do for my 'easier' classes
- took a nap in school
- went home
- started some chem schoolwork. didn't get far
- took a nap
- texted a friend about gender n stuff for a bit
- parents took my sister and i out and we basically just had to sit around as they drank and talked abt stuff
- got home at 9. spent 2 hours trying some new outfit ideas (shorts over pants) and doing a photoshoot in my room.
- got reminded that i am supposed to make 6 chord charts which are all due tonight. there's no way i'm doing them. i've already started but i'm too tired
- fucking passing out
today is friday. it's been a frankly overwhelming and blindsiding week. i've fallen behind in every class and extracurricular. i've been getting shitty sleep and my time management has been mediocre at best. i've also reacquired a deep apathy towards school, college and the general future. i'm so physically exhausted that my brain is exclusively rewarding me for food and sleep, which makes doing work pretty difficult. things keep emotionally punching me in the gut, like my dad and whatever. definitely all correlated.
to some extent i definitely have an absurd amount of work to do and a really busy life. like, i honestly just don't have enough time. but what's worse is that i really lack energy. i can't seem to get proportionately enough sleep or rest to survive, much less make an academic comeback.
so yeah. i'm tired. i keep finding out new ways in which i've fallen behind. more failures to the growing list of things that tell me i'm failing.
dad hasn't been helping but that's nothing new. tomorrow i'm supposed to get up early to do a driving lesson with my dad. great...
hard not to just feel total despair and abandonment in the face of heavy exhaustion, emotional threat, and immense late work.
goodnight spacehey,
- francis t.
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ale
So, small things I wanted to mention…
-Is your dad even a real person??
-We should all just invest a lot into melatonin gummies and eat them all at one go
- Someone should really like, make a tutorial abt life cuz this ain’t it