Imposing yourself

I think Angie has been teaching me a thing or two about human relations. She has this way of imposing herself onto people, imposing her opinions and her presence onto other people that I really admire - it's something really not many people know how to do the way she does. 

Like, when we were getting to know each other I wasn't actually all that keen on befriending her - I thought she was weird and I was worried that being friends with her would stop me from meeting other people in our class (she didn't really speak much to the others), but now I'm extremely grateful to have her in my life. Like, she genuinely brings so much love and so much value and so much honesty to me - I'm so glad she forced me to befriend her. 

It's like she knew I wanted to be her friend before I did. I'm glad my awkwardness and shirking about didn't discourage her. Like, imagine if it did. Imagine if I succeeded in deterring her and she gave up trying to speak to me and we never became more than acquaintances. That would be horrible. I'm so glad she didn't listen to me. Like, imagine if she were as polite and careful and tip-toey as me and just sauntered off at the first sign of coldness.

Imagine if I weren't polite and careful and tip-toey!!!! sometimes you need to push onto people, you know?? That's really a lost art nowadays. Everyone's wayy too scared to cross a boundary or seem clingy or needy or dependent. Man, everyone's clingy and needy and dependent, it's what being human and caring about someone makes you. You gotta need someone, you gotta cling to someone, we all depend on others. You get literally nothing for acting cool. In fact you just get miserable and lonely and your ego becomes your only real friend which is a horrible state to be in. 

And further, honesty. Like, people aren't fucking honest. It's because you're afraid someone's gonna get offended and dislike you and then leave you if you do say what's on your mind. But that's a good thing, no? If they don't like what's going on deep down inside then you really don't need them around anyway. 

It's about moving each other about and letting other people move you about, like dancing. At one point I developed something of a fear of trying to change my friends, because I'd tried to change Them and probably a few others and I realised how bitchy that had been, but I think we need to want to change each other for good. Out of love, we need to want to change each other. Angie wants to change me and Holly, not in massive ways, but she tells me about it - she says, we need to get Holly to speak to people, we need to get Holly to be more confident - and that's why she took her to the gym, that's why she made Holly spend more time with me, she's shaping her ever so gently. That's beautiful. I'm sure she has similar motives with me; she gives me a lot of advice on hair and makeup and self-care. I don't always ask for it, but I'm very grateful. Now I wanna do that for other people, you know?

Sometimes I'll get worried about my friends and tell someone and be like "but I can't get them to change that, I don't have that kind of influence on them" or something to that effect, but I realised today how scummy that actually is. I'm avoiding trying to help my friends, actually. I can see that my best friend's doing something horrible to herself and I'm not gonna try to stop her?? What the fuck? Do I care about her or not? She might not listen to me, she might get annoyed at me, she might get offended or whatever, but come on. It's about the bigger picture. And I think they know me well enough to know I do it out of love. I think that would come to the fore eventually, at least. It's worth it if it prevents something horrible from happening. 

Like, long story short, if you see or feel something important that another person doesn't, you should probably tell them and also act on it - it's only the decent thing to do - covering someone's blind spot.