Working Past Familial Issues

Family right? I'm sure many others like myself have a parent or any other relative who they don't have the best relationship with... I keep thinking about my dad and his mom. They have very different values than me. Their views on life are very different than mine. I haven't really been honest with them the few times I've spoken to them. I'm not entirely sure why anymore. I've just turned 19 and I'd like to stop thinking about them like I'm still a 10 year old little girl.

I think they can be a little opinionated, and don't really see where I'm coming from. I'm in a situation where college isn't the best option for me to go at the moment. While I did take a year off when I graduated early back in 2023, is it really that bad that I don't know what I'm doing yet? Is it so bad that I'd like to weigh my options more and not immediately jump back into the system that had me on a stressful and restless lifestyle without a clue of what I'll do after? In their mind, it's go to college and graduate and then you'll find a good job. I told them I was interested in art and naturally they recommended and art school, but at the time, I still didn't want to. I don't know maybe it's weird or lazy to some, but I don't care, I don't want to live like that. How they think I'll magically be set for life if I hurry up and attend college and find a job. 

To be honest, because of the few times I've talked to them(I genuinely avoided calling them both) was because they kept bringing it up. Truthfully it's mostly the own voices in my head adding onto the little they say to me about it. Like if I don't do enough to look into colleges one day, suddenly I'm so far behind now, day after day after day. I haven't even hit 20 yet, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing besides paying attention to the main thing I'm good at which is art. Even then there's a part of them I believe that looks down on it. "Will that let you live a stable life? Will that make you enough money?" I haven't really let myself really explore other options because I let myself be bombarded with all these thoughts of THEM and feeling sorry for myself and just wanting to distract myself from everything and live in mundane pleasures. I do feel I have been too hard on myself now looking back at 2023-2024.

I plan to call them both. Just be honest. Honest, but respectful enough to get my point across. I need boundaries with them. I'd like to let them know that I'm aware that college is not my priority right now and that I'll be working on other things. I love them, I do, but I'd like the overall talk of school, college, to be nipped in the bud. It's NOT going anywhere. Neither will I if I keep stressing over their concerns. I'm not anywhere bad. I'm not on the streets. I DON'T EVEN LIVE WITH THEM. So they shouldn't worry either.