#17 vent

really feeling like i have no one to talk to about some of my problems... only the therapist.

sometimes i try to open up but its like... feels useless. i feel bad not opening up and i feel bad when i do open up... for different reasons.

im very tired of living like this and being like this. i try and try to work through things, i make all kinds of effort and it just. feels so pointless sometimes.

a dead end again and again. even when i improve this and that, its like its just not enough. no matter how much i improve. makes me think that i really am incapable of happiness. but somehow i cant just accept it. the pain feels too profound and i just cant let go of the desire to live better and feel better.

and it really hurts how i really try to make effort in some of my connections and its also just... its like its leading nowhere.

(ofc feelings are Just feelings and Not Fact... thoughts are Just thoughts
wtv im feeling or thinking doesnt mean its part of objective reality !!
im aware of that. but also these difficult feelings do exist and take space
theyre valid and have a right to be here
and simultaneously i dont have to take what they tell me as Fact. i dont!! dont have to take it at face value
its just... it hurts a lot sometimes, is all)