furthest thing from human

i pretend to understand the intricacies of the world i ask god for answers and get none in return but it doesnt matter hes long dead anyway. a puzzle piece thrown into the wrong set nowhere to fit me in nowhere to force me in .the room walls close in on me as i forget my conscience at my best friends house again. the world is lost on me and spilled guts decorate my every word  shadows of my desires in my peripheral vision but never in the forefront. meaningless tears meaningless void. i am the furthest thing from human; empty. i hope to wake from this lifelong dream someday.