drive

everything is very strange. i am here. i am there. i am in between. no matter what happens i keep going. no matter what outcome it will be okay. recently i have been yearning. i feel like i didn’t appreciate what i had when i had it. very stupid of me. still.. i don’t feel the want to turn back time. i wouldn’t change anything. if anything i yearn for my future. part of me still really wants a warm quiet existence. it doesn’t go away even if you bury it, and i very much tried. the state of my brain is no excuse, but it is a barrier. a barrier i have started to break piece by piece. it will never be fully broken. it’s not sadness i feel. the yearning goes beyond anything i’ve ever felt. it holds me very gently. i think it has taken over the grief at least for now. i don’t know where to go from here.  i have never known. for now i am lulled to sleep by the warmth i once felt.