I HATE my life

Is fucked up, you know? When you feel like such a failure, when it feels like everyone is pushing you away, and you end up completely alone. And it’s even worse knowing that it’s your own fears that got you here, desperately searching for a way out. I wonder… I just wonder… what would happen if I wasn’t so afraid?
Sometimes I think—maybe it’s because of my parents. Yeah… I mean, they taught me to fear things, not to face them. They did everything for me, they cared. But now that I’m 20 damn years old… everything’s different, just like that, overnight. Everyone turns their back on me. At least they still feed me. But I feel lost… so alone.
Well, maybe it’s my fault too… being so submissive. But I don’t even know what I did wrong. This is just who I am… it’s what I was taught to be. No one ever told me I had to go out there and figure things out on my own when everything went to shit. Damn it… yeah, I chose not to study. I hate school. Everyone laughs at you, everyone hates you, they all look at you like you don’t belong. You’re the freak just for thinking differently.
And now work… fuck. It’s hard. I have to work, but I don’t want to depend on that for the rest of my life. But I don’t know what to do with my life, and I hate it! I hate that I have such shitty luck, that I’m alone. It’s fucked up. Being alone is the worst… and it hurts. It hurts so much. Feeling like you have no one… and well… I don’t.
There’s no one to hold me… no one to kiss my forehead and tell me it’s gonna be okay. And the worst part? I can’t even sleep because my anxiety won’t let me. My brain won’t let me rest. I hate it… I hate everything… I hate being me