Entry #034 - It's Not Looking Good

I skimmed my previous entry from one month ago, and uh, things unexpectedly got worse since then. Life has a not-so-funny way of kicking people while they're down. 

My roommates and I are losing our home. 

This news has been a lot to process over the past week. I am not panicking, but I am stressed out, and very depressed. This home is the only place where I've ever felt genuinely safe and secure. As it turns out, safety and security aren't real. They're imaginary concepts at this point. I've been comfortably living here for three years, but the landlord has decided to sell this property... and we all have roughly two months to GTFO. I feel devastated.

I was already experiencing feelings of stress and extreme depression beforehand, but now it's almost laughable. I'm also sick with a disgusting head cold. Seriously, my snot is green and plentiful. 🤢 

There is already a tremendous housing shortage in my city and a steadily worsening homelessness crisis. I see more and more tents every day, and at times I wonder if I'll end up in one myself. I've been homeless before, but I had the privilege of couch-hopping versus living in a tent on the side of the road somewhere. I'm tired and my head has been swimming with worst-case scenarios and anxieties all week. 

I have a place to go for now, but it's not ideal for anyone involved. I feel like shrinking down into a small, pocket-sized ball of shame and hopelessness. I feel overwhelmed. In my last entry I mentioned that I had been decluttering and thank GOD for that. I've done well to get rid of excess belongings, and that works out in heavily my favor because now I have fewer things to cram into a storage unit. I still have more things I'm going to list for sale on Facebook this week, but right now I'm too tired and sickly. 

My new living situation is going to take a toll on my mental health and probably also my "me-time," which means I will likely become more absent from social media... It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it adds to the guilt I feel when I unintentionally neglect my internet friends. I enjoy blogging here to get things off my chest and vent into the void, but I don't really foresee myself having enough free time to do this anymore. But who knows. 

So far, the goals I've set for this year have not been achieved lol. I haven't improved my diet, I haven't read more books, and I haven't even switched departments at work. I applied for a new position that just opened up, but I have doubts that I'll get selected over the other candidates. 😵‍💫 

2025 sucks.