todays blog #

how much pleasure had i missed bcs i was too in my head to pay attention? how often had i longed to leave all of this, to die, bcs i hadnt understood how satisfying it could be? sumtimes id play with my head psychoanalyzing sumthing thtnoones had to know abt. and my silly lil mouth starts acting like evyone had to knowit. but i had been paralyzed by shame latelyshame over my failure and my diagnosis, and i didnt know how to share my feelings bcs i still didnt know how to not be a burden.