my note #3

I think I'm starting to lose control of the situation, but I can't say that I don't like it, I've almost come to terms with what's happening, but I'm still not calm. 

There are 8 billion people on earth... are you really not there? I don't want to believe it. Everything I do in life won't lead me to you, but I can't finish everything, something keeps me here, and I want it to be you. I just have a plan in my head, since grade 7, now I'm in my 3rd year of college, I'm collapsing, I do not know what to do. I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick in every way, I'm sick of you 

I want to have a cup of tea with you in my kitchen and hug you, Jan.