Feelings

"Oh ||||||||| you don't talk about your problems"

It's because I keep them all to myself, venting about my problems feels disgusting, I doubt that the people who listened would care anyway. 

My parents said that I don't have any mental illness and that I (should) am normal, so I'll stick to that

I only talk about my problems here, I feel comfortable. I don't like using my old vent account cuz my close friends can see me

I find expressing my feelings to be difficult, I always notice whenever I talk about my feelings I'd still add a lie or two to just mix up the story for that person to not understand clearly. The only tactic I use to express my feelings is through jokes, it's funny at the same time, people won't be concerned so that keeps me safe. 

People asking me about my problems makes me pissed off or just get disgusted, I don't like talking about my feelings and history on what made me sad, I barely have anyone to reach out in the past as a child since everyone always label me as a overreacting and spoiled kid and when someone reached out to me about my feelings for the first time, I felt happy but after spilling everything out, I began to feel regret, disgusted and anxious about it, that's when I discovered that I hated the feeling of teaching out, so I began to bottle everything up, it's a safe thing to do, I am ruining myself but I'm taking myself to my misery alone. 

Don't ever reach out to me or I'll avoid you. I feel disgusted talking about my feelings irl so DON'T ever talk about it to my face or I'll fucking k<ll you or myself, if you use this as blackmail or as a weapon, fuck you and I'm k<lling m-self.

SpaceHey is my safespace.