Late evening pondering.

The way brain functions while being clearly mentally ill & struggling is so odd, esp whilst trying to heal/cope/manage somehow cuz LIFE!!! Rn thinking how bloody stupid it is that my body cannot tell the difference between being held at a gunpoint or opening an email. It feels rather so embarrassing as well cuz girl- im in my twenties!! I should be adulting!!!! And here I am, at mum's, struggling. 

It is rather odd. Like... the mental wall I get when doing stuff. I know I should do it, I know I need to do it, I know it will do me good. And brain is like... no actuslly. Stay stuck, u like nothing. LIKE THAT'S WRONG??? I LIKE MUSIC??? I KNOW LESS SCREENTIME DOES ME GOOD??? I KNOW THAT EATING WITH NO SCREENS NEARBY HELPS ME??? I've been to psychologist, I've gotten my tools to help me work and my brain is just giving me a big middle finger. Ngl the winter cold does not help me, I do not work in cold.

One day I will have a job that I'll actually manage to keep, one day I will have the uni degree I want. And one day I will be in a better place. I will keep on working through my frustrations with my brain tho.

But it is odd and silly.