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in an alley full of people, everyone is squished and miserable. why should anyone's complaint matter more than the other?
"there's no need to be so self-centered." everyone has problems.
"what makes you think you're so special?" i'm not special. it was silly of me to believe anyone would really care. for those that unfortunately find themselves in my vines, they don't last long. good for them. i'm sure i'm exhausting. i'm sure every moment where i was expected to speak but was met with silence felt like a blessing. what a relief. why should anyone care about my problems? why should i care about problems?
i was silly and thought it had to do with age. in reality, i was never young enough.
"you're too old to be crying."
...
"you're too old to be suffering."
i will forever be too old. there was never really a time when i was young enough to have a hard time. how can i struggle at this age? i should be doing things. i should be trying to be important. i should be trying to matter. i thought my feelings were important. why would i think that? i instead should pour everything i have into other people. drain myself of anything valuable so they can fly and never need me again. then, i could say i've had an impact. even if it's small. i need to build someone up so they never need me again. i would never be a burden. i'm so draining when i'm not helpful. why would anyone want to be around me if i can't offer them anything?
i've lost a little over 10 pounds in a little less than two months. i can't eat. i thought that'd concerning. i never cared when this happened before, but apparently, there is such a thing as being "too skinny." i should be concerned then, right? no. it's probably just my period. why would it be anything other than that? if everyone just assumed i ate, why would they think i hadn't. i don't remember eating. of course, i've eaten. why would i say i hadn't. why would anyone care about the loser who cried wolf? if i keep spitting out the same problems, why would anyone listen? they didn't listen the first time. they have no reason to listen the second, third, fourth, fifth...
everyone has their own problems. why should they care about mine?
i never know what to be concerned about anymore. i'm honestly not concerned about anything anymore. if nothing physical matters, nothing mental matters either. there is no need to be concerned. why should anyone be concerned? why should anyone listen to me? why should my problems matter? i just need to snap out of it. i need to grow up. i need to stop having the problems of a child. i'm too old to be incapable of independence. i'm too old to have problems. everyone has problems. why should they care about mine? they function just fine do they not?
"just look outside. everyone is struggling, but they get up and go to school/work. do they not?"
everyone has their own problems. why should they-
no one's really listening. i don't expect anyone to. i expect every word i utter to be ignored and fall into the void. that's how it should be.
everyone has-
-magilon 2025
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francis, fran
to be read in the way 17 y/o guys talk in the year 2025: holy angst /j
there is probably no incentive for someone to be concerned with anyone's issues except maybe to feel the fleeting reward of being concerned for someone. or to get something out of a possible relationship, like a returned concern.
or more commonly, because they've assigned meaning to their own feelings and experiences and, upon finding out that someone else is having some unfortunate sensations, they find meaning in connecting with them. or not lol negligence and self-centeredness are expected for creatures like ourselves
angsty af! :sob:
i agree with pretty much all of what you said. i won't blatantly repeat your words. i find your expression to resemble mine heavily.
i also find humans to be incredibly self-centered as we have made ourselves the standard. it feels like many do not want to care if there is no reward for doing so. the narrative of "what about me?" is appearing more and more. i think it's all ridiculous, but this is nothing new. it's what humans seem to do. there is a trend of placing individuals on a pedestal to make others feel less than just to compensate for the fact that no one has any inherent value.
by magilon; ; Report
"compensate" is a good word. probably in my top 10 human flaws would be our inability to accept that we have no innate value and yet an instinct for self preservation and social function
by francis, fran; ; Report