Letting go..

I have to let go of the rage and hurt I feel for my Mother. It isn't worth it to continue holding on to burning coals.

But I'm still so angry at her for allowing me to be neglected and abused over the years.

She knew I was being hurt. Even prepared me a fucking bath, dressed me up and LEFT the house for the night…she left me home alone with an abuser.

I was a child. How can I just let that go?

This shit has been sitting in the pit of my being since I was a tiny child. Because I still cannot fathom doing this to anyone, let alone someone I brought into creation.

She continued the cycle of abuse that she endured, and put a fucked up twist on it. I'm sickened.

I just desperately want to understand, but I know there are certain things you will never get closure on.

Dad taught me that. For all his faults, he did teach me that sometimes you will never get closure and you just have to let it go.