2025.02.01

[8:30am] last night was a bit rough. i did everything i said i would in my last post (showered, said hi to my dad's friend, ate dinner, played roblox, etc.) but there was some extra lol. i know things never go fully as planned but yk. during dinner my sister told our parents that i threatened to blackmail her if she doesn't watch a show with me. this is true. she never hangs out with me and i move out soon so i want to get more sister time. the thing is she would never do it of her free will (i ask her all the time) so i had to find a better strategy. unfortunately my strategy didn't work (she still said she's not gonna watch a show with me) and our parents got upset and gave me a lecture. i gave my sister a list of like 10 shows, some of which i know she likes, asking her to just spend time together one last time, and i guess it failed. we don't even watch reels together anymore. she never watches what i send her so afterschool we would watch them while drinking chocolate milk. but for the past couple months she has been stealing the remotes to watch kpop boys instead so we haven't had any time to do a shared activity. idk im probably just being dramatic lol. shes been pretty mean lately too. ill be talking to her and randomly she yells out "omg shut up!! you're actually so autistic. i cant stand you any more." like ??? first of all i failed the autism test lol and second that's so rude omg idk

anyways today i plan to do some homework and play some roblox. its fairly nice weather today thanks to global warming so maybe ill have my window open a bit and i can draw some. my dad said he wants to do something with me today but the problem is whenever he says that our activity is me driving him to the hobby store for him to get new modeling parts or me walking the dogs with him. he just tries to manipulate me into doing chores. 

so far i spent the day watching reels and learning of more obsurd executive orders, doing some laundry, taking care of my foster kittens, and writing this lol.

[10:45am] I've been slowly but surely getting homework done but i really don't wanna do it lol. I've mostly just been switching from doing a little bit of work to watching nostalgia reels. my dad texted me asking if i want him to bring me a cupcake and i was like sure and then he was like maybe later. like ?? idk what that was about. i think my essay for english is the best it's gonna get. I'll probably get a B at best. my grades lately have been lowering and my quality of work has also. idk i guess i just lost my mojo. i made another art assignment for spanish and usually i poor my heart and soul into those but i realized the teacher just throws them away and gives everyone the same grade so what's the point. i just drew stick figures in pencil lol. i need to read for finance now which should be fine. my textbook is online and comes with an audiobook so I'll just listen to that while drawing i guess. my dog is sleeping on my bed rn and she's really cute haha.

[11:30am] i finished all my homework :)) im kinda loosing motivation on my drawing because when i started it i had just gotten yelled at for sh-ing, and the rest of the time I've been drawing it while listening to audiobooks for school. idk i just associate it with stress and burn out now lol. also for some reason the music on my profile won't play anymore :c if anyone know how to fix it please lmk

[1:15pm] i went to five guys with my dad :) it was pretty chill but as i said earlier all his hangout attempts turn into chores. as soon as we were done eating we got in the car to go home and he drove me around the shopping center and went in a bunch of stores asking them to hire me TwT like i get he means well but if he turns every hang out attempt into something like this I'm not gonna hang out with him anymore. good thing is we went to a pet store and got a treat for my precious little doggy so that's cool ig haha. i think im gonna play some rise to royalty now. also i figured out my profile music plays if i click to go to my profile, but if i click my bookmark that takes me directly there it won't play. idk why but oh well haha. also i just made a new friend on here and they seem really cool :)) idk if they speak English but luckily google translate exists lol. they also like loona and marine biology and stuff so that's pretty awesome haha

[3:15pm] i played rise to royalty for a while and it was fine. i was queen and had 0 taxes and free food and 20 wage and still someone killed me. idk how to be liked in that game. but yet i play it every day because it's so addictive lol. i also played some bloxburg and watched some reels. but i went overboard with it because i feel like my brain is fried and i don't have enough dopamine left to do anything rn lol. so im gonna have some choccy milk and detox from screens for a little while maybe :P oh also i need to apply for another job today lol

[3:30pm] i change my mind lol. i went downstairs to get my choccy milk and my sister was there and being rude again. i think im gonna watch youtube or play emo games on roblox. i should work on my webtoon or draw or something productive-ish like that but i don't think i have that kind of motivation rn lol.

[5:15pm] my dad made me go down to the basement with him again. i hate doing that. he took my phone and made me sit down there with him while he worked on his model airplane. idk what's up with him but he has been farting a lot for the past week or two and omg it was disgusting down there. i petted my dog and since she just got her hair cut today she shed all over my black sweatshirt. its okay though because she's cute lol. i got out my sketchbook and an old loona 1/3 album and drew vivi. honestly it wasn't terrible but i just don't like the forced silent basement time. but i did need a dopamine detox and that definitely helped. idk i have mixed feelings about it lol. my mom has had a migraine all day but she's doing better now so she's up and about. my sister is going to soccer practice soon. idk i don't wanna jinx it but i feel like today has been pretty chill so far.

[7:00pm] I've been watching reels for the past hour which was not a good decision. at first it was all people breaking bones which i guess looks cool but like ouch. but then it all went to current events and omg i hate this country (im from the USA). also i came across a highly censored reel about what's happening in Asheville right now. all the comments were backing up but had to use extreme censor bypass language. i asked my parents about it and they tried to search it up but it said something like "search results have been limited" and there was literally nothing there. idk its just crazy to me. people are dying. we know about the hurricane but no one is talking about what resulted from that. peoples skin is falling off. idk how much i can say. i know this platform isn't big so it probably isn't censored but idk im just being careful. and i also saw a lot about trump's executive orders and omg. this is litral fascism. and it's rumoured that trans people can't get their passports renewed. they are stuck in the country and can't leave. meanwhile hispanic people are being sent to the camp in Guantanamo bay. what the heck?? I've seen videos of construction sites and farms and all those stereotypical hispanic immigrant workplaces abandoned. those workers are literally what keeps America running. and out of curiosity i researched the 10 characteristics of fascism. guess what? we meet all of them right now. idk im probably being indoctrinated by the liberals of social media as my dad says, but this is stressing me out. also i go to college soon and plan to major in marine biology, but fafsa is being defunded and so are all the science fields. im cooked. luckily he's supposed to be out of office by the time i graduate, but i heard he's trying to pass a thing to give him a third term. i hope it wont pass because that would be insane lol