Not Love, but Limerence

You know. I just realized something. In many of my previous relationships. Platonic because I don't do romantic. I've never truly experienced love I think. I had always been desperate to be someone's first pick. To have friends that'd check on me, that'd never ghost me, never forget me. I didn't want to be the replacement friend. Although there may have been live temporarily it didn't last. I'm realizing that what it was afterwards wasn't love but limerence. I chased and I chased, hoping I wouldn't be tossed by the one's whose validation and affection I craved. I wanted to feel important to someone else. I had almost become dependent on someone else's opinion of me. 

No longer will I live like that. Nothing lasts forever, and I won't expect it too. I will not forget how to love. However I won't expect the world to love me back. The world won't love me forever, so I've got to remember to love myself and treat myself right. To prioritize myself. I don't think I'll live a live with many close friends who will be by my side no matter what for years to come. Truthfully, I don't mind. I've come to realize that those kinds of friendships do not fit me, and I don't need them. I am content with that. I will not stop connecting with people, everyone has the potential to be a wonderful experience, but never to fit the pedestal of my everything. People change, that's normal, and that's okay, I'm not going to let my life fall apart because of one person. No matter how many people leave me, it's okay.

Life goes on and so will I. Someone could consider me everything one day and nothing the next. Sure it may sting to cut the rope of attachment, but only for a moment. Everything and everyone are just moments, experiences, good and bad. I, myself, last forever in my own life. I will live my life with my own hands and feet.