"I spank my children to teach them right from wrong." No. That's just a lie that you tell yourself to make you feel better about the fact that you're a monster who abuses your children.

The idea to hit your child should NEVER come to your mind. I don't care what theories are presented or "evidence", at the end of the day you're hitting a child. A. Child.

I grew up with that. Being "taught a lesson" so I learn through pain. What did it teach me?

That no matter what happened, a hand would always be raised against me and I could not trust the people that claimed to love me.

"You have a smart mouth...I need to fix it."

"How dare you!"

I was a little girl with learning disabilities, trying to figure out how to exist in a loud world.

I didn't know any better, as I hadn't been given a rule book and was being raised with a neglectful Mother, her abusive boyfriend and an absentee Father.

There was no roadmap for me.

I'm still struggling with regulating my emotions to this day. Raised voices and hands make me flinch.

Finding a way to breathe after the tears settle in has been overwhelming. But I am trying to understand.

I know that I won't do that to any children I have. No matter how upset or angry I am. I won't be my parents. Because I want a better life than I was given for them. A parent should want that.

That's the point of being a Mother. You raise a child to have the life you never did. The experiences and childhood that was NEVER given to you.

....because you want better for them.

I know my Parents did their "best" with me and I sure as hell wasn't an easy kid. Especially due to being disabled and having learning difficulties. But I didn't deserve to be raped and abused. I was a little girl, reaching out for love from her Mother and all I found was anger.

I don't remember much of my childhood. The broken pieces I can gather together, especially with help from my sister it wasn't pretty and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

My sister is giving her daughters the life we never had. They know joy and love like no other. Seeing the happy pictures and smiles on those little girls faces has brought me to tears more than once.

I'm so proud of my sister.

Not just for that, but for finding happiness after everything she's endured over the years. She found her home. Her peace.

I am finally beginning to find that myself.

0 Kudos

Comments

Displaying 0 of 0 comments ( View all | Add Comment )