Nov 24 2021 11:07pm

I wish I could be okay with this.   I miss when I would just do things and not care. you know when I was like 16 and I figured I was going to kill myself before I even hit adulthood so I could do whatever I want, it  wouldn't matter but now I'm an adult and I'm probably going to be here a while and I don't want to ruin the rest of my life and so I don't do anything at all like there can't be consequences if you don't do anything but there can't be rewards either.  and like I do still do some stuff but it's not the stuff I want to do. it's stuff that other people want me to do and I do benefit but at what cost?  I'm like trading My soul for money and not much money at all but I got to take what I can get you know?   I just hate it.  I hate having to beg for pocket change.  but what else can I do? this is just how things have to be.