Why do I crave what I’m afraid of?

 I want someone to love me, I mean my friends and family do and I’m grateful for that but I don’t think I’ve ever felt like someone would stay for very long. I barely have any people that have not left me before, other people I met just wanted to exploit me, I think I’m afraid. I want someone to just hold me for a while and maybe take a nap for a while. A good thing that I’ve been doing is not pushing people away, it still kinda happens but less often. Though, I really wish I could be less hyperactive or at least figure out what’s wrong with me. My family doesn’t really have insurance and stuff or the money so it’s gonna be a long time and I just wish I could be other people, maybe then someone will love me. I have been in relationships before but I always push them away and get so jealous at the same time. Maybe I’m being selfish. Buh bye xoxo, stay amazing.