idk

this year has been a mess its like the world is falling apart so far i have relapse found out about this i wish i never knew i have deleted all my apps only leaving a few and im starting to realize how much fucked up shit my sisters have done to me the same people i tried so hard for them to like me the people i've done so much for just for them to not hate me and that ive been over looking all my truma i dont even know how to spell the word all because i felt like my life wasnt that bad for context ive been friends and known people that have been through hell so for me to tell mysself that ive been through bad stuff is like me faking things and last thing i wanna be is fake i didnt even realize how bad i got until this week when i just went numb like i had nothing left in me but this empty dead feeling and im a happy person ive been seen as one im known as the energitic happy one thats jumping off the walls so this is weird i may end up just geting rid of everything and only have this and spotify  and pintrest and shows ofc i may end up stop using my phone but only time will tell oh and gonna stop taking or doing stuff for my older sister she killed me made me this way so why me nice im gonna disappear from her life im gonna ask to stay with my dad when my sister moves even if it means leaving my mom and being stuck with my dad i dont wanna go to the states i wanna stay here cus then ill have my own room have a quiet and free life my dad is gone most of the time so ill live alone for a while also he sleeps alot so yeah ill be able to live in peace if i stay with him also its safer here i dont want men to stare at me or talk to me so yeah my mom is gonna vist anyway so ill still see her and will still have the family trips and my mom wont be scared of boys trying to fuck me its might be better for me and ill ask my dad to switch me to the school next to my house so i can just walk home and to school ill still see my friends and have fun i wont have to make new ones and start all over again anyway bye