drip drop eyes

 it doesn't seem to matter one way or the other when it comes to recovery, or trying to recover when everyone around me has no interest in me nor getting better together. there's just a sense of overwhelming stress and nerves ... i feel like I have no place to go to curl up and find comfort. it's just me, even when I am with other people. its such a juvenile sensation that I feel embarrassed to have this feeling when you're twenty-four. iv been stuck in a bad place since iv been demoted from having a job and being able to function in acceptable society. i recently made an attempt to apply for a university, but being unmedicated in the way i am, i wrote a little over half of the entry essay and then gave up, never to pick the project up again.

 i watched all of the monument mythos and fell in love. i sometimes play postal or try to draw, and i don't know if I'm good at either. but i want friends, i want someone to want to work and play and do things with. and to call at all hours of the night but it's a fairytale. these things don't happen anymore. and so alone i am and stay.