I feel poisoned

maybe my life is one big dream. like some matrix shit or something like that. sometimes i feel fine yk but then something takes ahold of me, i dont know what it is but it feels so familiar, like i know it as well as i know myself. its like some gunky, sludgy thing that emerges from the depths of my body where all the toxins i put into it lie. every day and night, i load myself up with my drugs. that’s probably where it comes from, but I know i cant stop, this is what keeps me alive but it’s also what poisons me, yknow? i take my meds as best as i can, i just dont know what’s next or what else to do. i dont even know much of anything anymore, shit.