remedy

trying to write an autobiography but in the sense of "what if my mom never lost custody of me or my siblings?" and 

tonight i tried to write it to cool off because all night i've been triggered to hell and upset and mad at the world. feeling like i used to when i lived in that house.

but after sitting down and writing it out, all i want to write about is my normal novels.

writing about my "what if's" isn't my remedy. my means of escape while shit went down was writing about my novels. 

so what's the difference from that to now? maybe that's why i can't write my own autobiography. my escape has always been the same.