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It seems silly to come onto a blog website to talk about something so dumb and unimportant, but it’s the only site I really have that isn’t directly connected to my boyfriend. Not that I don’t want him to see this, but a lot has been on my mind. We’ve been together for a little while, known each other for years. I’d say we’re both in love. The problem is that I don’t want to be a homemaker.
He’s not pushing this ideology on me, of course. He’s never forced me into anything, but I realized we both had some different goals in life when he had mentioned that he could get a good enough job that I wouldn’t ever have to work. But I want to work. I know he wants to just aid me of all my troubles, but I wanna go to college. I wanna pursue a heavy scientific aquatic based career, actually. I know he loves me and he just wants me to live an easy life, but I really think I’d go insane living day to day at home, I’d get bored of my marriage. And he mentioned that he was interested in children, maybe two. But I don’t know if I could be a mother.
Pregnancy sounds horrifying, you know tearing yourself up and then maybe the back? C-Section where they cut through like 6 layers of flesh and muscle and fat? Swollen ankles and feet? Nausea? The list goes on and on, and it horrifies me. I don’t think I could do, I don’t think I ever will. And it doesn’t help that I have completely 0 motherly instincts. My whole life my family pushed this mother rhetoric on me, always having to change the babies diapers but never my brothers. I mean Jesus, one of my brothers has never even held our niece before simply because he ‘just doesn’t want to’ but I have too. Maybe that’s why I reject this mother thing so much, because it is expected and not a choice?
Anyway, I don’t think I’d be able to love a kid properly, not as a mother could in her best way. Not to forget that I even stay within those bounds of expression. I never wanna disappoint my partner, and I think we will really stay together for the long run, but I don’t know how to even talk about it. How do I start? Again, it seems dumb to talk on this forum, maybe over sharing, but a lot of people seem to be at least halfway sane in conversation and advice. Thanks.
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cherrystem_
Children is one of those non-negotiable topics in a relationship. This is a conversation you *need* to have with your boyfriend. For the sake of the future of your relationship you need to come to an understanding of what you both expect for your own futures. It's never too early to discuss your boundaries and goals for the relationship. From how you've described your boyfriend here it sounds like he would be receptive to this sort of conversation; it's important that you align your goals sooner than later.
Yeah. I think I’ve been so apprehensive to bring it up is because maybe it’s just a fear I’ve instilled in myself, and not anything negative he’d say about. You’re very wise.
by ManEaterZiggy; ; Report
I hope things go well!! Your opinion really matters here. I understand that serious conversations like this can be daunting, but it'll ultimately be for the best.
by cherrystem_; ; Report