Seeking clarity

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to look at yourself through a different pair of eyes? Like if you could spectate yourself? I have this question trotting in my mind quite often, because I give people so much importance in my life and I wonder if I'd do the same for me, if I was someone else. I fantasize and think highly of some people and I wonder if I'd do the same for me. 

It's really hard to balance love and obsession. Especially if it goes one way for the most part. It's really hard for me to keep a healthy distance between the two, but I think it's because of how I was raised. I remember one day, one of my friends told me it was important to be loved in return. Making sure it goes both ways. She told me it felt great, it felt rewarding and good. I still don't know how that feels because I've never really been loved. I've been appreciated but I don't anyone has really loved me.

I think I also have my mind made up about the boy I wrote about yesterday. Sometimes no answer is an answer. Especially when the lights are on but there's no one home. It's okay though. I'll move on. I still hope he answers, but it's okay if he doesn't. 

I'm kinda getting bored of writing this and I apologize for any spelling mistakes. Hope everyone's having a great day. 

Hugs + kisses, as always, William.