Idk

This time a year I dont really know what to feel. Its like the girl that was hurt inside wants to come alive. The memories pop up and I feel it over and over again and no one knows how that feels. They can understand but only to an extent. What am I supposed to feel and how do I know if its actually real. Everyone has left. I am alone again. I smile and try my best reminding myself that its okay for them to move on, it okay for them to leave, keeping my mind clear and my heart open. Some will leave but I will stay. If they ever come back my door is always open and im just a few numbers away. The only thing I want for them is to find happiness. Everyone grows and everyone needs to do what they need to. I stay though. Stuck in a cycle of guilt and memories I would rather forget. I dont want to be alone again. I want someone who understands. I want to just reach out but there is no way I can. I would only hurt them and myself. I just want to cry and have someone realize I may have grown but im still the scared little girl that lives inside my own mind.