Let me tell you a bit about my uncle George man he crazy man. he lives in Seattle and no one has heard from him since 2011, he was last seen flying over Seattle ( yes he can fly like superman, why, because he can don't question it). man you think that's crazy part let me tell you a simplified version of events and stories about my uncle starting with.

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The Birth and Childhood of Zio Georginio (1453-1471)

Before he was a uncle he was a Zio, in 1453 Zio Georginio was born (okay I got a slightly older uncle got a problem) to parents Helga of the house of Fachwerk and his father Orm "the Viking" Alwin. Zio was born to what you might call a broken home, Seriously Ottoman Soldiers sieged the wall of Constantinople as Zio first saw the light of life.

Now I could tell you the long and complex story of how Zio's Parents escaped the crumbling city and set towards Italy on a venetian ship only to go through the alps and many states of the Holy roman Empire only to settle down in the County Megen in 1457...but no. So by the time Zio was four years old he and his family settled down in Megen which is now part of the Netherlands (Try attacking us now Ottomans). although Zio finally had a home, he hated it, for starters he couldn't speak German, in fact the only language Zio could speak was Mongolian until he was 12 ( we don't know how but don't worry about it) so making friends was quite hard. that was until 1463 when he finally met his only friend/enemy, Carl, Carl in Uncle George's words 

"Carl was intolerable little shit but was also the only person who would talk to me"

The two boys would fight each other day and night, at one point in 1467 the two boys would play the traditional sport of Schlong Kicking for a day straight  to see who was the strongest, it ended in a draw, this depressed Zio. this was the most depressing thing that happened to him that day, followed by the death of his father which was also bad he guessed

" inky pinky ponkey, Daddy bought a donkey, Daddy died, Donkey cried, inky pinky ponkey"

with his father's death, Zio was left with the home and farm which was a plus, but over time Zio got bored of his shitty life as a farmer. So he decided to abandon his mother (which was the style of the time) and at the age of 18 left his farm to an unknown fate, also know as going to Castile.

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oh shit i gotta go I'm currently writing this at my fishing job in Kazakhstan ( Biggest fishing industry in the world) i will continue this story when my shift ends (may take days) so until Then farewelllllllll.