Life?

Life to me has become an endless cycle of worry, hatred, sadness, and joy that will only last for a few moments. I really wish i could put my phone down I want to be okay, i dont want my addictions but even as im writing this my eyes are glued onto my phone. The Internet has destroyed me, it has brought me to something lower than rock bottom and i wish that everyone who isnt my irl friends, girlfriend, and brother would just block me and hate me sometimes. But even as a layed in my bed only a few moments ago staring at the ceiling thinking about this all i couldn't gather the words to express emotion as deep as my own and i still would not be able to now. The only reason i am the way i am is the Internet, though not all is bad. I love my girlfriend even if shes miles and miles away but the joy she brings me sometimes cannot out weigh the anguish, despair? And pain the Internet has brought me. I hate the internet with a burning passion i wish i could chuck my phone out of my window and not have to worry about talking people out of suicide and not having a notes app full of messages that i fear i may send to all my loved ones one day that end with my final "I love you'. But again even as i lay in my bed contemplating the depth of my emotions and the dead look in my eye, my phone buzzes. I sit up. Do i check? Yes. And so will this cycle never end, but thats okay. One day everything ends including I.