Thinking about things..

It really sucks that I'm not close with any blood-relatives.

Too many of them are either deceased due to health related issues, drug/drinking problems, or just plain being unable to maintain the relationships due to my own issues.

I really wish my Dad was still alive, but he was a three pack a day smoker and whiskey played a huge part in his decline. So, there's that..

Mom? Well, she's currently dealing with serious health issues and probably doesn't have much long left. But I can't bring myself to reach out to her...not with her being dangerously racist, homophobic and genuinely just not a kind person. 

I cannot risk further abuse on her part, it's really not worth it. In the end, I'm just trying to work through my trauma as my Fiancé and I build our own little family. 

Nostalgia just...sucks..