...5

birthday today!

been 20 for 37 minutes and i feel the same. its a weird feeling because i feel like im supposed to feel different but i dont. whats the point of growing older if this feeling of numbness and dread is only going to feel worse as the number goes up? 

20 is so odd. i never thought this far in my life. not because of depressing reasons but because i was so focused on being a teenager when i was kid that i never really thought about anything other than being a teenager. and now im not and its fucking me up. i dont feel 20 and i dont look 20 but because i was born on this date 20 years ago, that automatically makes me 20?

genuinely idk how more birthdays i can take its freaking me out /hj