If I Save Her I'll Never Exist(I'd Do It In A Heartbeat)

To chose my mother or myself is a choice I'd thought about since I was young. My response will always be the same: I'd choose her.

If I could stop her from meeting that man, I'd try. I'd walk up to her, let the strangers stare at me on that college campus, gentle in my grip of her arm.

I know I'd hesitate looking into those brown eyes. Seeing her bright red hair, vibrant without the grey hairs. Before he could ruin it all. The liveliness inside her would knock my breathe away for a moment. Watching a picture move right in front of me.

I'd tell her that J.D. was nothing but a liar, a womanizer. Dangerous, that he'd destroy her life if she loved him, and to not. Knowing it'd be pointless.

Watch in real time as she'd fall in love with the man I'd learned to hate. Her eyes still full of life, of confidence not yet shaken. I'd watch his chosen obliviousness, and her continuous pursuit.

Annette was always destined to love J.D. even if that love was only ever lust. How could a girl ever know the difference? So wrapped in the emotions the urge to decipher them before they killed her not even a thought in her mind.

I'd watch the way his hands would become red in real time before I was born. The way he'd open her with delicate hands as if what he was doing is noble. See the pomegranate delicacy's as her self-worth as he did everything in his power to strip her of it. Making sure nothing was left in her, digging in cervices. Sometimes with gentleness, sometimes like an impatient child.

That's what they'll never let you see as an outside observer. Into an abusive household. The gentle hands that delicately rip you apart. Make you become just the hollow thing they believe you to be. As if they weren't the ones you ripped the life and vibrancy from you to begin with.

I'd watch my mother lose herself in a man who only married her to appease both their families. Watch knowing I tried to free her from him.

And free her from me.