Is it worth it?

Is it worth reaching out to a narcissistic parent?

Part of me wants to open that door, because I know my Mother doesn't have much longer left to live. But I've been here before, it's insanity to keep doing the same shit and expect different results..

There's a part of me that wants to ask her "Why?" and demand answers to the questions that have been plaguing me for years. I want to understand..

Would she lie? Maybe.

Possibly.

I fucked things up with my Dad while he was dying, and I wasn't there like I should have been. I was scared.

I don't handle death well, still haven't really processed his passing. Which I know will inevitably hit me at the worst time.

There's so much neither of them properly prepared me for, and it pisses me off. But I can't keep blaming them. I am 33 years old, I have to let it go.

There's so much I want to say, but I doubt she would even listen.