Internet Diary 15#

I’m so tired of holding in my anger, every single DAY i’m being yelled at something so small. 

Ugh, my body been treating me horribly lately too in a way that I might need to go to the doctors. I’m not going even if is serious though.

My body is just a fucking house for my poor existence, and yet I can’t take care of it.

I’m always gonna be this worthless and I just have to deal with the consequences of being alive.

Nobody likes me, it feels like everyone on the internet and real life knows what I did in like 2018.

I’m ugly and stupid also 

Im done with everyone pretending I’m not ugly and hiding the fact they think I am in private or instead whispering to another about it.

I HATE it when people whisper and make fun of something about me, it doesn’t get on my nerves it more of just makes me feel like a terrible person.

I’m embarrassed at something I did today, almost everyone who is a girl in the locker room could see my thigh scars. 

My friend saw them and my mind went into alert mode, he didn’t say anything about it luckily but I am scared of what he is gonna do with that information. 

I wish I had some sort of pill that could help me feel better about my life, maybe like a fucking anti-depressant pill would be the pill to take.

But my fucking dumbass decided not to take the pills because of a bullshit reason.

Guess what the reason was, it was literally “Medicine doesn’t work, it only damages people” 

How I came to that conclusion was because I thought about what I heard about my mom. 

It fucking it seems like the medicine only made her mental health worse!!!

Like just not worse but like the type of damage that will overtake you no matter what, even if you try to get better.

I thought that what happened to my mom would happen to me but now I see how the exact same thing might not happen because from what I gathered she took medicine for her personality disorder.

I don’t have a personality disorder luckily but I do fear some of her symptoms might have transferred onto me through genetics.

To tell the absolute truth I believe everyone thinks of me as her since I’m so much like her in many ways.

Wanna know something I wanna get done, I wanna get my brain scan so I can find out what is wrong with me.

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That’s enough of me venting and rambling about my life and feelings. 

Should I start writing random stories about my random origin on here?