swimming

monday jan 13 2025 3:41 am

happy new year. i’m supposed to start my new semester today but nothings fully set yet so i will probably actually start next week. maybe. i don’t really know how any of this works. lately, i’ve been feeling pretty okay. i really don’t know what to do with my life. lately i’ve been feeling like i should do the things that i want. and maybe that’s enough. i’m going to try to stop worrying about school. i’m supposedly taking classes on special effects, and screen printing and wood cutting so that’s cool. it’s only like 3 and a half months anyway. after that it’s summer. after a holiday away period my band started practicing again. we’re in dire need of a new drummer. we’re very happy about it all. we all want to start playing shows by april. i really hope so. i want to do nothing but make music next summer. my new roommate owns a bookstore and i might start working there sometimes. 

…

..i love my mattress and my pillow. the most comfortable things in my life. lately i’ve been feeling like life is one big performance. at least i always feel like it. everything i think is such a big deal is really not a big deal at all. and vice versa. 

lately it takes me such a long time to wake up. it’s like i’m in a trance. i was off my anxiety meds for 2 weeks and i realized maybe that’s why i had another crisis. i am wondering how long i’ll need to be on medication. chemically regulating my emotions… but i’d rather have it, than not.

i really love cats. they are very sweet things. 

i find myself getting quite sentimental these days. i know you’re out there somewhere… and all i want to do is know how you’re doing. my mind wanders to all the places i might never go to again. the people i won’t talk to. how strange. something can be there one day and gone the next. and here i am talking about it… but it’s me. i do this about everything. 

o kay. goodnight world. all the humans in their little apartments turned off the lights and changed their clothes and went and slept in their warm nests. somebody in new york city in the uppermost point of brooklyn thought about them and wrote about it. then he, too, closed his eyes and burrowed in his warm nest and fell into a deep winter sleep, in which he would wake from in mere hours.

4:02 am