Public diary entry

2025-01-11

I'm writing this here because I just feel too weak to get up, grab my notebook and write it all down there. Don't worry, I'm not in danger. I didn't get a sugar crash severe enough to land me in a hospital nor did I faint, I just simply got my period, and periods are, as most women will know, painful. Incredibly painful at times.

Today I managed to wake up even before my alarm at 8AM, which is quite surprising given I've been waking up at 11AM at best recently. I woke up to a snow covered city outside my window and I would probably squeal if my roommate wasn't fast asleep on the other bed and if I weren't still groggy from waking up. I love snow, it's such a shame I felt like crap most of the day. Darn it, periods!

I made some pescatarian Lau Thai and put on some anime (Karakai Jouzu no Takagi-san, or whatever it's spelled). I watched two episodes, drank some Mountain Dew that I found on discount yesterday and packed up to go home for the weekend. I would almost forget to bring my cap though.

I arrived at the city center early to have time to buy my sister bubble tea, since I told her I'd get her some. She's a fan of grapes and watermelon, and also blueberry apparently, so I got her a cup of green tea flavoured with watermelon and blueberry juice since they were out of grape juice. They had grape bobas though, so her bobas were watermelon, blueberry AND grape. I also had the worker sprinkle glitter in both our drinks. I had mine based on black tea, as always, of course with blueberry juice and bobas. I went with rose and lychee juice too, and lychee and kiwi balls.

I suffered through the blizzard to get to the platform, but I still had an hour left so I decided to go back to the mall and have lunch at my favourite pescatarian restaurant. I didn't miss an opportunity to compliment the restaurant, because I love making others happy and brightening their days! After I finished, I went back down to the platform and my train was already there, so I got on and sat down finally. I let someone else sit by me because I'm a decent person and I don't take up all the space to prevent anyone from sitting by me. I know what it's like to have to stand and faint because of it. And I don't block people from getting off either. On the tram I sat by some man since because of my tendency to get dizzy I should probably get priority seats over some people, as in totally healthy people, I would give up my seat for someone who needs it more though. And when I stood back up for a moment to let him off the tram, he smiled at me. :) That really made my heart flutter with joy. I know it's small, but aren't the little things the ones that make life enjoyable?

Also I took this adorable picture of my son on the train. I remember how nice it felt holding him while listening to the slowed version of Pure Imagination and watching the snowflakes rush with the wind.

Ha! You thought it would be an actual child! Of course it's just a South Park plush. I'm just 19 and I'm still in uni, and I know teen pregnancies happen but I was not r-worded and I have enough sensibility in me to not have unprotected sex, or any sex to be honest, at this age. I mean, I guess I have it easier than others given my sexual orientation (I'm asexual). I still get urges to procreate though, I just don't experience the desire to have sex.

Anyways I got home and messed around with my sister, but then I got my period and I just laid down in bed watching YouTube since I was too weak to do much of anything. Geez, I hope my periods are just painful due to genetics, since I don't want anything to interfere with my fertility... I really wanna be a mother, ya know...

During dinner I successfully evaded being fed meat. Finally. My dad ALWAYS makes chicken. Each time I come, even though he knows how I feel about meat. Can't he just prepare fish or veggies for one damn day?! I only ate chips though and I justified myself by feeling unwell, which wasn't even a lie since I wasn't hungry at all. I just wanted to lay in bed and preferably fall asleep. 

Also, my mum will get me a GIR cap! Sadly it's from Shein though, but I'm not strong enough to argue with her choice of websites right now. I would never order anything from their store though since they are not ethical.

Also I can't wait to go to a doctor and have my tonsil stones evaluated unless they finally fall out. They're making me so miserable and it seems like one of them is just getting bigger, and if I develop bad breath I am so ending it. That would be so humiliating! I just want to have them removed, get a doctor's suggestion about how to get rid of them, or even have my tonsils removed altogether. I'd rather be pricked with anaesthesia needles than come through this humiliation. And I hope they're just tonsil stones, not some form of cancer or shit. I also hope they're caused by something like anaemia, that would make it much less embarrassing.

Damn, I really want to be diagnosed with anaemia right now. I feel like it might explain my symptoms, make them less embarrassing, make me feel valid and capable of getting help. And it's reversible, so would be much more feasible if this explained my symptoms instead of the metabolic condition starting with the letter d (if you know you know).

Anyways, I can feel Asclepius working in my favour. Same goes for my cat, since he's sick. I'm worried sick about him, I hope he gets better. Apparently he ate some kind of a sharp bone and it hurt his stomach... I can't bear watching him suffer... I simply can't bear an animal's suffering. I hope my angelic powers work on him, it's not yet his time to cross the Rainbow Bridge. Kulek is just 7 years old and I love him a lot.

May Asclepius hear my prayers from today and yesterday (I saw a Pinterest post which inspired me to pray for the people who need help to get it, including me, because those hypos or whatever they are don't seem healthy to me).