01/09/2025

So, I think its safe to say I'm not single anymore. It feels so weird to say that because I've been single for a little under 2 years I think. I didn't know that being in a relationship would have been on my bingo card for 2025. I'm so scared I don't want to get hurt again, my last break up was so tough, but I'm listening to my heart now after listening to my head. But this isn't one of those times where my head and my heart are at different ends of the spectrum. They both agreed that it was time to confess my true feelings for W. 

W and I have been through so much already together just as close friends. More than most couples could handle. We delt with betrayal and hurting each other unintentionally and intentionally.

I tried so hard this passed summer to push him away and close myself off because I Knew i was falling in love with him. I knew it in my heart and my head. But I can't deny how I feel about him any longer. I said to myself that i did not want to date long distance, that I wouldn't. But I can't deny myself any longer. I truly do love him.

When W and I first met, we clicked instantly, with out having to force it at all. Like I know I used to say that about a lot of guys I met, but this was different. Like a twin flame. 

A true twin flame. 

And I was so heart broken at the time when we met and I was so hurt still that I didn't have room in my heart again for love. So I healed and let myself heal, worked on myself a little at a time, and so did he. He had his own problems and I knew I needed to see change in him first. And he did. He changed for me. he worked on himself for me. To stop me from crying when he would make me feel like I wasn't allowed to do anything online without him thinking I was pushing him away for others. He worked on himself and showed me he's willing to change for me and it made me fall more in love with him. His actions and his changes showed me how much he loved me. He loves me so much that he worked on his own problems. 

He still struggles with it, but he's gotten so much better than he was, and he continues to improve. He doesn't see it, but I do. I know he's so smart and he's so kind. He's truly the first person to truly love me for who I am, not for what he thinks I can be. That too makes me love him more. 

I'm so scared of the future with us, but I'm also so very hopeful with him. I know I can wait for him. I just hope that when we do meet that I'm not a disappointment to him.