how am i not dead ^_^

im in so much fucking pain right now and nobody knows or cares. everything is terrible. everything feels terrible. my friends don’t like me anymore. my sense of self is eroded as fuck. nobody likes it when i try to talk to them because they only ever see me as annoying. i only ever feel alone, despite having so many people to talk to. but no amount of comfort is ever enough unless it’s from my fp. and the only time my fp has talked to me in the last six months is after asking for a todidoki sticker. THE ONE FUCKING PERSON MY LIFE FUCKING REVOLVES AROUND DOESNT SEEM TO FUCKING CARE ABOUT ME. DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS?? like. all the other people like me have actual fucking relationships with their fp. if you’re one of them, please be grateful for that, even if your guys’ relationship is messy. at least they give you fucking attention, whether positive or negative. MINE DOESNT. IMAGINE A WORLD WHERE YOUR FP PAID LITTLE TO NO ATTENTION TO YOU. THAT IS MY WORLD. AND IT SUCKS.

i wanna kms so bad but i don’t want my existence to suddenly be meaningful after that and for people to miss me. i don’t want to hurt anyone. i don’t want them to think it’s their fault. ALL I WANT TO DO IS DIE :( 

welp, pretty cool vent, right guys? even though i’ll probably be better in like an hour? because that’s how it always is? i feel so many emotions and yet i still feel empty. i don’t know why or how that is. and nobody knows. nobody knows how much this fucking hurts. nobody knows how fucking often i have these episodes. nobody knows how drastically i hide my emotions just so people don’t leave me. and everything’s just back to normal for them. i’ll still have assignments to turn in. people will still get mad at me for not trying hard enough. IM TOO BUSY TRYING NOT TO KMS. HAVE SOME FUCKING EMPATHY. IF ONLY YOU KNEW. IF ONLY YOU KNEW.