Lectio - 10

Unspoken weeks passed by, hard, or even impossible to condense it in any digestible way on this text. Blissful ride of emotions, happy days, reinforced relations with friends and people, though sad or troublesome times, I've made some new connections, new persons, but some old and reocurrents. The echoes of past people that i've hurted or hurted me in some way, shall keep appearing.

I've finished all my small tasks in these few weeks, and, on the final day, I felt a rancid heartache at 12:00 am, leaving my body incapacitated for a few minutes. Just laying on my bed, amidst all the noise, celebrations, fireworks, hopes and dreams, im just a corpse moving for some vague purpose. Reasons of such alarming pain and occurence are unanswered, maybe its just a coincidence, a minor error in my biology, or just an distant call of morte, trying to greet me, but im faster, but for so long.

Im keeping my support for my close ones, im made of glass and only certain people see through, which leds me to find a way to be more open. But i do not see it as a neccesity for the time being. The longing for newer purposes is still going. But up to no avail.

I've been reminded of such a parasite and a disgrace I am, thoughts and acclamations that I fully accept. The wavelength of realizations come crashing again at my self, and this time I couldn't get in time, to cling into a tall pillar to evade it.

A bad friend, son, teacher, lover. Adjectives entangled in my confusing, vage, and misformed mind. Making me feel like every day is a struggle, and as a docile creature that I am, the cease to exist is a more comfortable way than trying to change the current path. I need to extend my ceaseness.

To extend my life, somehow, may I wish for a miracle to brighten my days?